Currently A Collision By David Crowder Band A Beautiful Collision see related

It sucks when you find out that a friend is leaving, what sucks even more is not having spent more time with that friend. Not due to lack of motivation but due to a lack of knowing they're there. My heart is heavy because I know that there are probably 10 other people in my life now that I just take for granted or decide are doing fine on their own. Ones that I see every day and think that I know all about them but I really have only begun to scratch the surface. What makes these people who they are? What do they need? How can I help them meet that need? Am I really showing Christ to them? Can they see God's light?

My hope has always been that people can see Christ in my through the way that I act because I'm not usually good with my words. But I need to change that. God discomforts us to make us stronger. He puts hardships, and heartaches, into our lives to shape us. Painfully shape us. He breaks us down till there is nothing left of who we are. Breaks us until we cannot function without Him. Breaks us until we cannot put one foot in front of the other on our own. And it is BEAUTIFUL! I cannot express how awesome that feeling is. Beautifully Crushed and Emptied of ourselves. All that we are: limited, sinful, greedy, full of hate; is replaced with eternity, love, discipline, everlasting life! How can we even begin to compare it??

Speaking what I know I should say is not something that I am always willing to do. Fear sets in, but fear is not from God. Our discomfort should be greeted with open arms. The unknown embraced. God is limitless and we'll never understand that if we're content to stand at the edge and wonder. DIVE IN! GO!

Why is there fear?
There should not be fear.
What is God telling me to do?

Discomfort me for I am your daughter. ~Hebrews 12:7-11

Currently Reading Let the Nations Be Glad! 2nd Edition By John Piper see related

Working towards unemployment.

Worship. We've failed you. Our lives do not come close to what we've been designed for. Think about it. If the church functioned the way that it was supposed to there would be no need for organizations like Salvation Army, American Red Cross, food pantries, Casas Por Cristo, and all the like. If the church followed through with the total act of worship, then they would be filling these needs! I have trouble imagining life without these things because they've been there since before I was born. Some of these organizations my be Christian based but who would know that?! They may have become and extension of the church, but what good does that do to change the face of a good thing? The organization gets all the credit and people wonder where the church is. They can't see past the cover-up to see that the organization IS the church. But why do we need to put a face on the church?

We're failing. We're not reaching out like we need to. We've let everyone else pick up our slack.

My future job is Missions. An obsolete job if everything worked that way it is supposed to. My new job it to work towards unemployment. I want there to be a day when I find myself working at Walmart because the church has taken away my job. I want there to be a day when everything lines up with what God has intended for the church. I'm working to be unemployed some day.

Currently Listening Survivor By Destiny's Child Survivor see related

Dear Reality,

Why do you frustrate me? Why is it that you give me the opposite of what I ask for? I ask for love and you give me the creepy boys that stare too long. I ask for a sunny day and you rain on my parade. I ask for the inspiration to write stories and you give me writer's block. Why? Have I done something that offended you and you're waiting for an apology? Then I'm sorry! I appologize for scoffing at you when you hand me lemons, but honeslty you underestimate me. I'm sorry for thinking I'm better than the best you have to offer, but honestly think of the kingdom I will inherit some day. I'm sorry for not giving into your standards, but honestly think of who my Father is and what He expects from me. I will never understan you and Murphy's crule joke of a rule, but honestly it doesn't matter one bit. So rain on my parade and with hold love from me, but we'll see who's on fire at the end of time!

Love,
Julie

Classical Music: best enjoyed at high rates of speed.

How much of my life has been wasted on waiting. Too much? Not enought? I find myself waiting. For what I don't seem to know but I wait for it none the less. Perhaps love? Or maybe friendship? My future mission field? Answers to what's already happened? Or is it an unfulfilled expectation? Am I waiting on God to check off the last thing on my list before I start on his?

Perplexed I am and still I wait.

Currently Listening Lying Awake By Ellery Anna see related

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker With Flowers In My Hair

I wish that there was some way that I could control the way that I think. It's so hard for me to convey exactly what it is that I'm thinking to other people without fumbling over my words or talking for five minutes about something that should have taken 10 seconds to say. It's like trying to shove a potato through a funnel. There's so much of what I want to say and limited words to say it with.

I worry about how these people see me. Do they think that I'm crazy or do they some how, deep down understand? Stephen King has a quote that says that sometimes people keep quiet because the fear of being misunderstood is greater than the fear of not saying anything. I agree with him. I would much rather not have to try and explain myself to other people than to say exactly what I mean and then have someone look at me like there is no logic to what I've just said. It scary. Kinda like writing. You put part of your soul into what it is your trying to say and to you it means a lot but to someone else it's just words. Unless they take the time to listen and to scratch a little deeper into your life, there is no way to be understood completely.

Unfortunately for me there's a lot of scratching that has to be done for other people to understand. I feel like Shrek with all of these layers. I'm trying to use my words to let people in but they can only tell so much before a potato gets in the way. I  like being completely naked with people (in an emotional kinda way, not physical you perv.). But I wish that I was better about how I tell things. Like maybe if I was better with my English or if my vocabulary was larger, then maybe I could craft the perfect word to say just what I was thinking; instead of vomiting a whole bunch of words and hoping that the other person get what I was trying to say.

What I've been learing and what I've kind of always known is that without fear there is no growth. As much as being misunderstood scares me it doesn't mean that I can give up and not say anything. It means that I need to, now more than ever, keep in conversation with people and to listen and know that when the time comes to say something important that it will be understood. I need not fear what I say as long as it's true and pure. What I've quoted as failure is not failure at all. It's growth and I'm never going to be done growing.